The "Soul Mate" Theory

The more I read about the subject of relationships the more I am appreciative of those that have, at least on the surface, made theirs work. The hope that they have nurtured a healthy friendship to the point they feel that they can grow together and fellowship as a couple. That they can trust one another completely because they have nothing to hide. They can have disagreements but, never true arguments. They have enough respect and communicate with each other clearly. That means, they can work out any differences in a healthy manner. And, mind you, this may sound perfect but, it is a rough blueprint of the construction of a healthy happy marriage. At least, on the surface, it does. . .

I was reading a blog recently from one of my friends, Ebony. She asked, "Do you believe in the 'soul mate' theory?" She went on to say, "My definition of a soul mate is a person being the other half of you. They are not necessarily "perfect", in fact who is? A soul mate is someone with whom we can bare the depths of our soul, or inner being, to. We embrace them completely and they complete us, completely. Soul mates may not agree on certain issues that goes on in life but they do not make that an issue against there relationship." Deidre, a sweetheart of a friend, spoke in a past blog about "soul mates", suggesting that you might be better off not marrying your "soul mate". Your "soul mate" could merely be your best friend.

I don't know how many times, in these blogs and to people I talk to, expressed how important friendship is. It is the best part of ones singleness, as Joshua Harris like to call it. Singleness is the time in your life when you learn what God has in store for you. You learn to trust God more and more. You have to make the choices, using God given "free will". But, always make those choices based on what God has places on your heart through prayer. Remember it is not about you because God takes care of the humble. After all, was not it Isaiah that said, "God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble." (James 4:6) I guess I have always found it hard to realize that it is a blessing being single. I always thought something was really wrong with me because I did not have a girlfriend. What I should have been wondering about is friends, in general. And, maybe in today's world, this might sound weird but, I am lucky that I was not wrapped up into "peer pressure" like so many others tend to be. The old "go along to get along" attitude seems to get most everybody in trouble, at some point. So, I am not sure if that is from a lack of having friends or a blessing in disguise.

Re-read the very first paragraph of this blog! You build up a healthy friendship. If you think that you would like to get to know that person better, tell her and ask her to pray about it. Never make it an ultimatum situation. Do not play games but, set clear goals and make sure that she understands that, whatever happens, the hope is that we become closer and better friends. Get to know each other's character. And, at this stage, the physical should not even be an issue (you know what I mean!). Always remember to put God first. That is what makes the whole dating thing so sour. You focus on her. Your girlfriend becomes an idol! If all these things are in place, after carefully building up an strong friendship and really get to know one another with the understanding that you want to marry her if it is God's will, and things seem and feel right at that point. That is closest you will ever come to a true "soul mate".

Anyway, I have learned so much about myself and have much to learn still. I have messed up so many times but, I have given those things to God. I have accepted that I have to wait till I am truly ready. God knows when that will be and, if it is his will, I will find the perfect person for me. Do I already know her? Is it someone I never would ever think would have anything to do with me? Is it someone from my past or someone that I have not even met yet? Only God knows those answers and he will tell me, in his own ways and in correct time.

1000 Ways to Say "Nobody Understands Me": An Introduction

“Now, you are going to run down to the basement and get on your computer and write 'Nobody understands me' a thousand ways. . .”

By now, I start tuning her out. My sister is correct, though. That is what I want to do. This forum, this spot of Internet babble, will always be there to listen to my side of the story. It will always be there to understand me and listen. I do not have to worry about if it will call to just say “Hello!” or not. It is a friend like no other. These are my, mostly, letters to Jesus.

The funny part is, I can not stand writing. English was my least favorite subject in school. I always thought I was not very good at expressing my feelings period. Writing just seemed “girlish” to me. Now, I did love to paint and draw. Strangely, that seemed more masculine. My middle and high school days found me expressing myself through art, a lot. I am not sure if it was the fact paint and canvas cost so much more than pen and paper, but I started writing. I was “green” about it, saving a few trees and do it electronically.

This Friday finds me doing what I used to do so much more often just a couple years ago, replacing a “date night” with a jot on the ol' blog. I did not need reservations or movie tickets tonight. Just a cold glass of milk, t-shirt and shorts, my trusty chair, and these ever older fingers doing the walking around Qwerty-land. These adventures were mostly sad tales of “woe-is-me.” I asked what do I, should I or could I do better and/or different. I self examined myself. I over analyzed my flaws. And, when it was all said and done, I ended up looking like a big pussy.

Sit back and hang on. My life is an open book. What do I have to be ashamed of? I have done some jacked-up stuff plenty of time. But, I would not know what I do now if I had not. I grow and learn from these misfortunes, blessing in disguise, if you will.